Marietta
by Taylor Aoife
Summary: A Mary Sue parody fanfic. I know it's not well-written; that's the whole point. I don't know if it's T, really, but because of the innuendo at the end I decided to err on the side of caution. If you don't know what a Mary Sue is, look it up on Wikipedia


All these characters 'cept Marietta belong to the Pirates of the Caribbean people.

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The first time Captain Jack Sparrow saw Marietta, she had just finished giving a black eye to the drunk who had been hitting on her. Her piercing eyes were glaring at the assemblage, filled with males, who were all staring at her with a besotted expression on their faces. Her eyes had changed color, darkening with fury when the ruffian had approached her. They had been a silvery-blue when she had come in, as he had definitely noticed, as he was certain that Turner's son, who was sitting next to him, had. She was just the right height, thin, pretty, with long black hair and an outfit that would have caused most to gape in shock at what this young woman was wearing.

"I say we ask her to join our crew," Jack said to Will.

"I couldn't agree more," Will replied, both of them unable to take their eyes off of her.

"She'd be a big help rescuing your Elizabeth." Jack said absentmindedly.

"Who's Elizabeth?" Will asked, eyes not moving.

٭٭٭

I was finishing up my rum when the two men approached. One had dark dreadlocks and a bandanna, clearly a pirate, and the other was younger and quieter-looking. I set down my glass and looked at them questioningly.

"We need your help," the pirate said. "We're hiring a crew for a ship to rescue his girlfriend-"

"Not my girlfriend. I'm single," the younger one interrupted quickly.

"Oh, hush. There's treasure involved, love."

I thought about it. It had to be better than what I had gone through at home. I was really the daughter of the king of England, but I had run away when he had tried to arrange my marriage to to the old king of Spain. I had managed to survive, because of the fighting skills that my brother's tutor had taught me in secret. And not many people here were accustomed to fighting someone with a katana. He wasn't Japanese, and neither was I, but the katana was just cool.

"Okay," I said, fiddling with the golden medallion that I had always kept around my neck for good luck. "I'll come."

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"I don't like her," Elizabeth sulked. "She uses a katana. And that doesn't make sense."

"I don't like you either," I said. "You're just jealous because I'm prettier, and a better fighter, and I'm getting all the canon characters and you're not. Including your boyfriend. And I have cool eyes."

"I'm not her boyfriend! I'm completely single!" Will protested. I grinned at him, and he got a goopy look on his face.

"Of course you are, Will. Now, I have to go save Jack from those evil pirates!"

"Be careful, Marietta," Will cautioned. "You know that your blood can break the curse too, for no adequately explored reason."

I nodded and looked at the medallion I had always suspected was something special. Now I had my proof. I had to set this right. I had single-handedly rescued Elizabeth, but Jack had gotten left behind because Will and Elizabeth had fumbled up the rescue. It wasn't my fault, of course, because I'm the perfect character. I had managed to take out half of the swarm of pirates because my katana was somehow able to kill the undead pirates, as Will had put it, "for no adequately explored reason."

٭٭٭

I walked boldly into the pirate's den. Someone like me didn't need to fear repercussions from brash action. I was pretty much guaranteed to succeed.

"Let Jack go, Barbossa!" I cried. None of the pirates dared to stop me. I was far too pretty, talented, and perfect for that. Plus, I was the main character.

Barbossa grinned at me. "Why?"

I glared at him defiantly. "Because I said so. And I have this." I held up the medallion. "And, I can break the curse with my blood."

Barbossa nodded. "All right. We daren't stand against you. You're far too pretty, talented and perfect for that. Plus, you're the main character."

I nodded. "Okay. Send Jack out."

The pirates complied, and Jack ran and embraced me when he was untied. "Marietta! You're wonderful! I love you! I want you to marry me and become the pirate queen!"

I hugged him back. "Of course, Jack! I love you too, even though there has been absolutely no character development between the two of us whatsoever!"

We would have become more involved in our romance right there, but Elizabeth, because she was jealous of me, cast a spell that turned all of the pirates evil. They attacked us, but suddenly the medallion began to glow. A moment later, it vanished in my hand. I held out the hand it had disappeared into, and lightning shot out of it, killing all of the pirates with my new deus ex machina powers.

"Well, that's settled," I said casually to Jack. "Now, shall we pick up where we left off?"


End file.
